Dark (V)Alley

Thanks for your comments/suggestions/read on my Midnight Rant. I would like to apologize if I wasted your time.
This post is related to that. Do you remember the Periods I talked about. My experiment to analyze my mood cycle.

Well, after the last rant, I came to at least one conclusion. These down moods or restless periods are my incubation time.
like Graham Wallas stages of creativity: –
preparation -> incubation -> intimation -> illumination -> verification.

Well leave the other stages, because it’s not something I willingly take part in. It’s because of so much information & knowledge I am sucking from this world, that the preparation stage gets ready itself.
The form it takes is a complex – chaotic looking – colorful abstract artwork. In one look you will not understand anything, until you pick minute fragments of it.
And then the depressive, frustrating, loathing period starts. That is the incubation start working automatically. It becomes a dope for me, getting all these marvelous ideas and connecting them to each other. I enjoy it. Though it puts me into a miserable condition, as I am unable to stop or take rest.

Then comes all my past & new learned rituals to find the peace. I am not lost. It is like I am navigating in the misty ocean. Unable to see clearly, unable to put any anchor. Add to it the emotional melodrama my heart throws at me.(If any relationship or social issues have become prominent for me)

Then suddenly , the sun shines. The mist clears. I come at peace. I relax.

But it’s not over yet, the illumination stage kicks in.
I find the Trades which will take me out of the Doldrums into the open ocean. Riding the highs & lows of the bulges. With such an extreme pace – that It will be exhilarating & exalting. I love this stage. I will be walking all over the place. Validating the idea. Making it a possible reality of future. But it’s all in the mind.
I will note it down & that is the closest I reach to the Verification stage

If I am in control I will refer the logbook & act on a particular idea.  Which is Great.

This time also, as soon I found my peace. I got this amazing idea which was pivoted around anger towards the education system. And I have made a long summary about the whole concept. Writing down all the gibberish & hazy thoughts inside my head. Expecting that I will come back to it someday & structure it into a presentable format.

I read a blog piece, having one such point –  7 dark secrets of Entrepreneurs. (point 5)

And then again I found myself getting into wishful thoughts of being an entrepreneur. I say wishful, because, at present my focus lie on the UPSC exam(or does it?). It may be a prospective future for me(next year).
Though, that doesn’t concerns this post. The point I want to make is that – however, creative or fruitful or useless these illuminations be – I still feel stuck inside the Dark Alley. It seems the Dark Alley is turning into the Dark Valley. And I hope it’s not the Cul-de-sac which Seth Godin talks about. I hope it is only a dip.

I would like my mental energy to free up & rejuvenate. Then only can I taste the flavors of my journey in an open sea. 

Arigato 🙂

{ This time I found myself rowing in the misty waters, while a lighthouse in full fire. The dilemma is that If I row to the lighthouse & reach the shore, crossing the dangerous rocks. I will not be able to make my way into the open sea. I wonder can I still stay afloat in case my boat wrecks to the lighthouse. }

P.S – i love talking in metaphors & making allegories. 😀

Oval Pegs

Square peg in a round hole is an idiomatic expression which describes the unusual individualist who could not fit into a niche of his or her society.

Except I am not talking about the square or round pegs. I want to talk about the Oval ones in particular.

Lately I have been coming in contact & having conversations with people who are the Oval pegs. Means, they are doing the traditional jobs & are good at them. However, they want to expand themselves, get into their own oval holes or create their own dents to fit in. And I love talking with them, it is so exciting to talk with them. To share thoughts & ideas. To wonder about possible future.

So what prompted this post?
Actually, most of the friends & people I come in contact with just talk about their careers(& mine). I am fed up with such talks. And in this case with the Oval Ones – I noticed they were also going on about the career only.

A : “I am unsatisfied with my current package, want to switch over, want to join XYZ global firm….Blah Blah Blah.”

B : ” Yaar, I want to do something.  I want to start working on something – -I want to create – – Yada Yada Yada.”

And then there is the pause in the conversation. They look up to me for some response or reaction.
If it is a person A – I would not like to continue the conversation. *smile + head nod*
If it is a person B – I will be deep in the shit with him/her. *Big smile + gleeful eyes + activated brain & mouth *

The difference was the quality of stuff coming out of their mouths. I mean it was not baseless & uninteresting.
But I am bored with it.
It is like in school times – the kids who could buy the whole set of Action Figures along with all the accessories, used to keep on bragging about them. They could only use their imagination in making stories not imagining them. And the ones who only got a single soldier action figure, they will use pens,pencils,compass & myriad other stuff to imagine crazy plots and play with them. They each have unique set of ‘Play Box’ with them.
It’s extremely exciting to look into those ‘Play Boxes’.

I also had it. I still do. Not the one, my brother & I had in our childhood. It has changed now & it will keep on changing.
Play makes Art possible and Art is ever changing like Life.

I consider myself the Oval type. If you put me into the traditional system – I can easily work there & with efficiency. And I am not totally eccentric. But there is a unsettling creative part which want to stretch/break the mold.

The potential inside is excited to convert into some dynamic kinetics.
And we all Oval types are looking for others like us. To talk with them. To meet with them. Just like the Seth Godin’s ‘Tribe’.
When we Oval types come closer & start sharing ideas and thoughts. Vibrating with excitement – some of will jump from the structure & gain his/her real shape. Make a dent in the system.

So If you are one of the Ovals – meet others like you & keep close to them.Perhaps one day you may take the flight & realize your true shape (star,square,egg,spike,line….e.t.c). Or else you will always remain a ‘Circle’ struggling inside a fixed boundary.

Arigato 🙂

P.S – It is ironic that I am writing/preaching/thinking this while I am preparing for a Job inside the system(bureaucratic). Well, future is filled with possibilities here also – after all I am an Oval one. :p

Pocket Diary – 7

Here is what i have noted in my 2nd pocket diary or copied from somewhere.


Earl Nightingale: “A success is anyone who is realizing a worthy predetermined ideal, because that’s what he or she decided to do…deliberately.”

Noam Chomsky: “Education is a vital weapon of a people striving for economic emancipation, political independence & cultural renascence.A truly emancipating & democratic educational system could only emerge from a broad-based people’s movement that was dedicated to the needs of its people & expressive of their aspiration”

I found both the quotes having depth & again went into contemplating them.I also noted some ideas for my concept drawings but i think i am kept at bay from the digital work by the resistance.For reading, i have noted two books by Seth Godin viz. “Purple Cow” & “Tribes“.But i don’t want to buy them….trying to get my hands on some e-copy of it.Right now i am reading “Thinking Fast & Slow” by Kahneman.Its on Behavior Economics rights from the creation of the subject till recent findings.It’s sort of a Text-Book but written in an interesting manner – a layman Bible for Behavior Economics.

I wanted to write my thoughts which i noted in the diary, however i think an elaborate post of each thought would be better.Also i had some foolish ideas – more on that later.

Gracias ! Buena Noches!

Disappointment & Action

I thought of writing regularly on the blog but because of a competitive exam on 8th Jan i postponed that.Just after few days of it the result of CAT came.
Verdict – Disappointing result – No possibility of calls from the IIMs. Depressing thoughts, self-loathing & saddening feelings – i stayed away from all social platforms & started playing games incessantly. After 2-day passed i was laughing at what i was doing – some amusing thoughts struck me.

I actually don’t ask people what are their results or How much you got? I always felt these questions unimportant & daunting. It starts a false comparison feeling in oneself. Its best if you compare a result with your last result but when ever you ask someone else about it result, there is a little guy/gal in your head which jumps with joy or slumps with sadness.I don’t want that with me.I don’t want something inside me which starts some false rationalization by comparing the results & equate it with a level or a state of the person.Nor do i want to give this false pleasure to someone else.With all the experience i had in the past – that comparison is a pure ‘Farce‘.That’s again a reason for me saying “lets see” or “i don’t know” when someone asks me to predict some personal result.Really i actually ‘Don’t Know” & would not like to see myself loathing over it after result.

About Disappointments, when i viewed my 2-day activity in third-person perspective , i found i was behaving like ” Mai muh dikhaane layak nahi raha” or “Meri izzat to gayi” .I also found an interesting thing about me, when faced with some failure or disappointments i go on playing computer games & eat carelessly (stomach needs to be full all the time).What i found amusing was that i was taking “Action” to get away from the failure and that also “Action” which will give instant pleasure or a feeling of moving ahead.I love eating & playing games – moving ahead in levels worked for me to get over it. I was trying to compensate the Feeling of Failure with these Action with feel good factor.Do you think you take such actions to compensate your failures?

When i read one of Seth Godins blog post yesterday on having a “Closure plan” or “Exit Plan” for the entrepreneurs. It was about action which needs to be taken whatever be the result( success or failure ) of the initiative.Again sounding in line with the “Karma Yoga” philosophy of BhagvatGeeta.I noticed that we all should take action after some results come out or should i say that we all take actions.Next time you are faced with a situation of Success or Failure try observing what you do. It would some form of Action. Having a knowledge of this gives one a choice – you can choose for how long you want to be doing that ? or what action would you take ? or Can i convert this urge to take action in some other work ?
Disappointment & Awesomeness is always connected with a Post-Action cycle(it repeats).Try to observe it.

I am back from that state now.Keeping to my attitude – a great result would have given an Awesome Start to the Year but now i have another Awesome Opportunity for the whole year to answer the daunting, anxiety filled question – “So what is NEXT?”


I have been posting more or less about the books i have completed reading and nothing about my thoughts or pocket diary.Nor did i posted any graphic i made.The reason being i wanted to complete my To-Do list.I was only able to complete 2 of them. Sigh 😐
I will post my thoughts & works from Next Year(sort of a resolution).I have been upto some personal projects & preparing for MBA exams.
This post is again about “a Book”  but a really good one.

My last read “What Matters Now” by Seth Godin , hooked me to his work that i bought this book – “LINCHPIN”.The word linchpin means “A locking pin inserted in the end of a shaft, as in an axle, to prevent a wheel from slipping off”. As it is important in the wheel to move, a linchpin is a person which makes a system move ahead.A linchpin works for his passion & interest.He is the person which lives at the edge of the world, changing with the time or changing the time.He is indispensable because no-one else can replace him, he is at the position because no-one can replace him.I hope you got the wind of who is actually a linchpin.

Seth Godin writes awesome stuf – motivating & inspiring the reader or listener to get off from the seat & Do it. Do what he wants to do bad enough.Actually Take Action.As the gita says ” The highest form of nirvana comes when a person walks on the path of Karma Yoga”.
Seth started with blasting the illutions of current system – which has restricted the thought process of many people(it might be only for US,but its befits Indian condition also – we have a gene for fitting in systems).Next he tells who actually is a Linchpin(just the above things) & his qualities.A main part of the book is about “Resistance” – its what makes one leave a goal, move away from his path or which stops the action.(If you want to know more about resistance read “The WAR of ART” by Steven Pressfeild – its not “Art of War”).
Finally he urges the reader to be ” the one ” – to act – to ” be ” -to become indispensable in life.

I’ve started following his blog now.He write short & concrete posts.Another amazing work  i read.If you think want to be a Linchpin – try reading it.

Fear,Dip And Personal Wisdom

Procrastination & Forgetfulness  – the reasons due to which i was not able to post anything in my ‘Read’ section.SO, today i am going to include 3 books in a single post.These books i started when i was in Bangalore & completed reading when i came to Kolkata viz.Except the first one other two are short, so didn’t took much time.

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway – By Susan Jeffers.

DIP – By Seth Godin.

That is All I have to Say – By Swapan Seth.

Books read

The First one was introspective in nature for me & helped me in analyzing my own behavior &  understand better the psychology of fear.One may get the idea of how to control or transform the fear into a productive manifestation.But only 25% of the content was satisfying for me as there were many stories of people & steps to act on.Although the reason might be my previous knowledge of psychology(as i like reading it) which made most of the points redundant for me.The book was worth reading.

DIP- just like when you you throw a wooden plack in water and it goes down & comes up again.You can imagine the Dip there.This 1hr read can be easily summed into(as given in the book itself):

“All successes are the same All failure too.We succeed when we do something remarkable.We fail when we give up too soon.We succeed when we are the best in the world at what we do.We fail when we get distracted by tasks we don’t have the guts to quit.”

A little overpriced but still a good read.For me it was the same Karma Theory in a different angle.

The Last one is some personal wisdom of Swapan Seth. As Seth works in advertising, the look & feel of the book was Cool & Impactful. The content though, mmmm….., what can i say it was personal.So no comments on that.It may make you ponder over the events similar to his in one’s life.The book is a quicky, worth keeping on a showcase.:P