Guilt Web

When you are fighting or working to reach the goal post; and time is one of the dimensions making the goal nearer – then you deal with Guilt often.
I am preparing for an exam which needs hard work & persistence, so I deal with guilt almost everyday.

I slept long. I slept early. I watched a movie. I went out with friends, I passed an hour in unproductive sites. I talked to a friend for hours. I went to market. I procrastinated. I wrote a blog post. I just laid on bed doing nothing. 😛

I have got so much to do and if I find myself missing my daily deadline then any of the above forms a guilt.

Guilt takes a form of Spider, living on the back of the head. Weaving its web, connecting a simple guilt of missing the goal with thousands of nerves. And each time you find yourself doing any of those activities – the web vibrates. Spider gets ready for its food. Slowly with each act it grows & grows.

It won’t bite now. No. It will wait. It waits for the time when you are going to take a decision. A decision which needs courage.

And then at that time it will inject the poison it has been building up for so long.

spider of guilt

Then it dawns upon you – you realize that it is either that you kill that Spider or you live with that poison circulating in your body.

The first way requires a lot of resolve, courage and will power. The Spider has grown so big that you will need a long sword to cut off its leg & behead it. It will be fast & arduous. Once you kill that spider and clear the cobwebs – you will be free. You would have come out to be a stronger being.

You will have no ‘Regrets’ to look for. You will only have your self-made future to look for.

Guilt is Good only when you have the courage to Eliminate it.

However, if you let that spider linger there long enough. Be assured that you have become a Slave. And the spider will keep spinning the web till the day you start cleaning it up or you die. You will confess to the God, ask help from your friends & family. It will still keep pricking you. It is not a simple devil to get rid of. Its whispers will affect each decision you make.

So many lives it has ruined it. So many it is ruining at present.

If you think that you will become stronger if you will let him prick you long.
Well, I can only say that – you will still be a Slave. A strong one, no Doubt. Still a Slave nevertheless.

So, if you have any spiders – clean your house of them. Clear your head. What the hell matters that you never did XYZ or ABC. Kill the spider. You have a future to look forward to. You can always do XYZ or ABC there. And if not – do something else.

I deal with my daily guilt, by squashing the crawlers each night.
I study late. I take less breaks. I abstain. I ignore. I keep awake.
Because I know

Guilt is nothing to be afraid of. It is something to be dealt with.

This post is part of Dungeon Prompt : Guilt – Illuminating or Engulfing the Darkness?. Plus it is part of my rant.

P.S – I have written two posta on guilt in the past also.

         My Spider of Guilt.   &
       
Guilt Free    <———-Use this Card to Kill your Spider.

Update: Other contributors of the prompt

Guilt: The Non-Emotion – Tracy’s Healing Art

The Orphan – Marsnplato

Guilt – My Spirit Journey

Digital Friendship – Dream Cloud Diaries

Introspection – MarthaOstout

No “Guilt Trips” Please – Traces of the Soul

Crying Out for Consciousness – The Seeker’s Dungeon

Guilt – Writing Works in Progress

Heaven’s Chains – Follow Your Shadow

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One crazy project

UPDATE: – Since this post was getting some traffic. I thought of updating about it. The Crazy Project was a failure & still a success. I was able to write it.However, the crowd-sourcing part failed miserably.And as it was a total bullshit story, I have shelved it. You can still read on this post. 🙂

In one of my earlier post, I said about one crazy project. I already started it.Its called – “It’s a BC type Love story

From the start of this year, I was always telling people that this year I will surely write a book. I had two three ideas in my mind and decided that I would do a ‘love story’ type.For the other ideas I wanted to have some experience in writing and that they have some decent level of writing.

Courtesy: http://dontgiveupworld.com/

About the craziness of this project, I decided to write it by crowd sourcing or crowd authoring.That means anyone who is eager to write or even contribute in any way can do so, without any unnecessary conditions.The basic goal is to complete the first draft of around 100-150 page by November end.
Up-till now, I have written around 10 pages.My experience is limited, so why not collaborate on the flow of the story. In Dec, I would edit & review it and also add some graphics to it.Also names of all the contributors will be present,it’s not a single person book. There is no motive of profit-making or sending it to the publishers. No, instead I would just let it float on the internet for free.Anyone who’s interested in reading some light-hearted love story can download it or read it online.

[Both the google docs are in public domain so anyone can comment on it]

I have prepared an intro doc,(still evolving)—> link

Why I want to do such thing?
Well, I consider this type of stories ‘BullShit’ or ‘BakChodi‘ (you got the BC in the title,right? some frustration against works of CB can also be responsible here). It’s about the same old love triangle of some college students. The story is in first person of our protagonist.I know its gonna be lacking in many things & mostly skills, but I thought I would try to get creative with the story. I want to see how much new or twists I can pull out of thin air.But the main problem is , I can’t do this alone. I need different perspectives over it. I consider it like churning of ocean, where myriad things come out in whatsoever crude form.Its so amazing or awe-inspiring when a simple or a universal plot can show you how creative it can become.

So I would invite you to help me in this Crazy Project of mine or yours.

I am still figuring out ways to make it work smoothly. If you have any suggestions, do tell me.

If you are on fb, you can join the group—> link….to comment or discuss or to be updated about the changes.

You can read the First Draft(beta version :}) —> link

Hope I can complete it in time.

Aarigato

[Book] Free as in Freedom

Finally i was able to read something extra  apart from the UPSC exam materials.The new experience is that of reading it on my phone(using aldriko app for android) – slowly moving forward page by page.This book is an Open Book so you can read it or download it online. The link for online reading is here.(or just click the picture below)

It was different reading a biography after so long time. The fact that it was based on some computer tech, helped in connecting to the story of Richard Stallman – the free software crusader.He is the person who launched the GNU projected and initiated the free software movement. If you are also a fan of open source & free software be thankful to the efforts of Stallman. ( To know about Stallman & his contribution click here or just wiki it).

The story starts with how a problem for printer sharing in the AI lab led to hacking of the device code. This led to the idea of constantly improving the code while sharing it with everyone else in the lab.That’s where it all started – the protest against copyright issues, confronting commercial industry practices, composing manifesto for the fee software movement.The book tracks the development of the ideology of open source & how the idealistic nature of Stallman went along with it with contributions from other programmers & hackers.Generally there is rarely anything one can take away from a biography as the time in which all that happened is already a passe, with certain exceptions like Gandhiji’s biography.That is the reason i am wary of reading biographies and also the retrospective & regressive flaw which seeps in when imagining & learning from the life stories.However, for this book i noted some excerpts :

  • If anything deserves a reward, it is social contribution.
  • Creativity can be a social contribution but only in so fa as society is free to use the result.
  • If programmers deserve to be rewarded for creating innovative programs, by the same token they deserve to be punished if they restrict the use of these programs.
  • The GNU manifesto –link.(GNU is not Linux).
  • What kind of rules make possible a good society that is good for the people who are in it?
  • Software patents reflect the awkward nature of applying laws & concepts written for physical world to the friction-less universe of information technology.
  • The whole idea of having the freedom to go in  and to fix something and modify it,really makes a difference.It makes one think happily that after you’ve lived a few years that what you’ve done is worthwhile. Because otherwise it just gets taken away and thrown out or abandoned or at the very least, you no longer have any relation to it.Its like losing a bit of your life.

Finally a thank you note to Sam Williams for bringing about this book & supporting Stallman’s ideology.Also to Aldriko app guys using which i came to know about this book & made it possible to read it even in a busy schedule.

As Stallman would say: Happy Hacking

The 3 e-books

Since reading the ” Immortals of Meluha ” i have read around  5 books. 3 of them were e-book & 2 of them were bounded book.And 3 of them were short reads & one was amazing & mind-boggling read.

The 3 e-books which i read were :-

1. How to Save Jobs by David Gewirtz

2. The Non-Designer’s Design Book by Robin Williams

3. The Power by Rhonda Byrne

How to save jobs is written by David  Gewirtz mainly for the US people & govt.He has given the reasons the US is losing jobs & why it is in the financial crisis(they are 3trillion in debt).He gave some unconventional suggestions to save the jobs in the US and create new jobs.I loved the suggestions he gave for creating jobs, because i think it may be a part of solution for Job creation in India. The ideas of running small & medium business or even the home based earnings were great. I think it can be implemented here also or at least some variations of it(it would need some creative thought for that). If you are interested for some start-up even an online one…it have some good points in it. You can skip the data parts(which were US economy based) and learn the basic ideas behind his suggestions.If you want to read it…its Free here’s the link to his site.I will be reading one more of his books – ” The Flexible Enterprise“.

Robin Williams – its not the actor but the designer & teacher(respect for her). Wherever i checked for books to learn Designing – this book will surely pop up – ‘ The Non-Designers Design Book ‘.After reading this i know now what’s the importance CRAP has in designing. Design taught by the book is amazing & i learned some vital points which i was missing when making some visual stuff. This book is literally like a teacher talking to you & helping you learn designing. If you are a beginner in design & want to read some book, do start with this one. Please spend some time on the practice sheets it has, they will insinuate your creative nerves.Hope i had it as hard copy.(i would love to read her other books but non of the books are free 😦 )

The Power by Rhonda Byrne. It was the same old ‘ The secret ‘ stuff with the new name of Power.I wanted to reread ‘ The Secret ‘ but decided to read this one.Nothing new though.Why i read it? I think with some competitive exams coming near & to get relief from the panic of uncertainty which i’ll face again…i needed some Power with me :P. Just for some psychological relief nothing else. Do i believe in the Secret ? I think i do . It may seem that its a superficial belief but it helps me being an optimist. When you are observing the positive things day by day, it seems the secret starts working for you. If you have not read it yet…read it if you believe in some super spirit above you. Who knows your belief in Power may lead you to the Secret. 😀 😀 lol

About the other 2 books i’ll write later.