When you are fighting or working to reach the goal post; and time is one of the dimensions making the goal nearer – then you deal with Guilt often.
I am preparing for an exam which needs hard work & persistence, so I deal with guilt almost everyday.
I slept long. I slept early. I watched a movie. I went out with friends, I passed an hour in unproductive sites. I talked to a friend for hours. I went to market. I procrastinated. I wrote a blog post. I just laid on bed doing nothing. 😛
I have got so much to do and if I find myself missing my daily deadline then any of the above forms a guilt.
Guilt takes a form of Spider, living on the back of the head. Weaving its web, connecting a simple guilt of missing the goal with thousands of nerves. And each time you find yourself doing any of those activities – the web vibrates. Spider gets ready for its food. Slowly with each act it grows & grows.
It won’t bite now. No. It will wait. It waits for the time when you are going to take a decision. A decision which needs courage.
And then at that time it will inject the poison it has been building up for so long.
Then it dawns upon you – you realize that it is either that you kill that Spider or you live with that poison circulating in your body.
The first way requires a lot of resolve, courage and will power. The Spider has grown so big that you will need a long sword to cut off its leg & behead it. It will be fast & arduous. Once you kill that spider and clear the cobwebs – you will be free. You would have come out to be a stronger being.
You will have no ‘Regrets’ to look for. You will only have your self-made future to look for.
Guilt is Good only when you have the courage to Eliminate it.
However, if you let that spider linger there long enough. Be assured that you have become a Slave. And the spider will keep spinning the web till the day you start cleaning it up or you die. You will confess to the God, ask help from your friends & family. It will still keep pricking you. It is not a simple devil to get rid of. Its whispers will affect each decision you make.
So many lives it has ruined it. So many it is ruining at present.
If you think that you will become stronger if you will let him prick you long.
Well, I can only say that – you will still be a Slave. A strong one, no Doubt. Still a Slave nevertheless.
So, if you have any spiders – clean your house of them. Clear your head. What the hell matters that you never did XYZ or ABC. Kill the spider. You have a future to look forward to. You can always do XYZ or ABC there. And if not – do something else.
I deal with my daily guilt, by squashing the crawlers each night.
I study late. I take less breaks. I abstain. I ignore. I keep awake.
Because I know
Guilt is nothing to be afraid of. It is something to be dealt with.
This post is part of Dungeon Prompt : Guilt – Illuminating or Engulfing the Darkness?. Plus it is part of my rant.
P.S – I have written two posta on guilt in the past also.
Update: Other contributors of the prompt