I thought of writing regularly on the blog but because of a competitive exam on 8th Jan i postponed that.Just after few days of it the result of CAT came.
Verdict – Disappointing result – No possibility of calls from the IIMs. Depressing thoughts, self-loathing & saddening feelings – i stayed away from all social platforms & started playing games incessantly. After 2-day passed i was laughing at what i was doing – some amusing thoughts struck me.
I actually don’t ask people what are their results or How much you got? I always felt these questions unimportant & daunting. It starts a false comparison feeling in oneself. Its best if you compare a result with your last result but when ever you ask someone else about it result, there is a little guy/gal in your head which jumps with joy or slumps with sadness.I don’t want that with me.I don’t want something inside me which starts some false rationalization by comparing the results & equate it with a level or a state of the person.Nor do i want to give this false pleasure to someone else.With all the experience i had in the past – that comparison is a pure ‘Farce‘.That’s again a reason for me saying “lets see” or “i don’t know” when someone asks me to predict some personal result.Really i actually ‘Don’t Know” & would not like to see myself loathing over it after result.
About Disappointments, when i viewed my 2-day activity in third-person perspective , i found i was behaving like ” Mai muh dikhaane layak nahi raha” or “Meri izzat to gayi” .I also found an interesting thing about me, when faced with some failure or disappointments i go on playing computer games & eat carelessly (stomach needs to be full all the time).What i found amusing was that i was taking “Action” to get away from the failure and that also “Action” which will give instant pleasure or a feeling of moving ahead.I love eating & playing games – moving ahead in levels worked for me to get over it. I was trying to compensate the Feeling of Failure with these Action with feel good factor.Do you think you take such actions to compensate your failures?
When i read one of Seth Godins blog post yesterday on having a “Closure plan” or “Exit Plan” for the entrepreneurs. It was about action which needs to be taken whatever be the result( success or failure ) of the initiative.Again sounding in line with the “Karma Yoga” philosophy of BhagvatGeeta.I noticed that we all should take action after some results come out or should i say that we all take actions.Next time you are faced with a situation of Success or Failure try observing what you do. It would some form of Action. Having a knowledge of this gives one a choice – you can choose for how long you want to be doing that ? or what action would you take ? or Can i convert this urge to take action in some other work ?
Disappointment & Awesomeness is always connected with a Post-Action cycle(it repeats).Try to observe it.
I am back from that state now.Keeping to my attitude – a great result would have given an Awesome Start to the Year but now i have another Awesome Opportunity for the whole year to answer the daunting, anxiety filled question – “So what is NEXT?”